Synopsis

In ancient Rome, some neighbors live in three adjacent houses. In the center is the house of Senex, who lives there with wife Domina, son Hero, and several slaves, including head slave Hysterium and the musical’s main character Pseudolus. A slave belonging to Hero, he wishes to buy, win, or steal his freedom. One of the neighboring houses is owned by Marcus Lycus, who is a buyer and seller of beautiful women; the other belongs to the ancient Erronius, who is abroad searching for his long-lost children (stolen in infancy by pirates).

One day, Senex and Domina go on a trip and leave Pseudolus in charge of Hero. Hero confides in Pseudolus that he is in love with the lovely Philia, one of the courtesans in the House of Lycus. Pseudolus promises to help him win Philia’s love in exchange for his freedom. Unfortunately (as the two find out when they pay a visit on Lycus), Philia has been promised to the renowned warrior Captain Miles Gloriosus, who is on his way to claim her. Pseudolus, an excellent liar, uses Philia’s cheery disposition to convince Lycus that she has picked up a plague from Crete, which causes its victims to smile endlessly in its terminal stages. By offering to isolate her in Senex’s house, he is able to give Philia and Hero some time alone together, and the two fall in love. But Philia insists that, even though she is in love with Hero, she must honor her contract with the Captain, for “that is the way of a courtesan.” To appease her, he tells her to wait (“that’s what virgins do best, isn’t it?”) inside, and that he will have the captain knock three times when he arrives. Pseudolus comes up with a plan to slip Philia a sleeping potion that will render her unconscious. He will then tell Lycus that she has died of the Cretan plague, and will offer to remove the body. Hero will come along, and they will stow away on a ship headed for Greece. Satisfied with his plan, Pseudolus steals Hysterium’s book of potions and has Hero read him the recipe for the sleeping potion; the only ingredient he lacks is “mare’s sweat,” and Pseudolus goes off in search of some.

Unexpectedly, Senex returns home early from his trip, and knocks three times on his own door. Philia comes out of the house, and, thinking that Senex is the Captain, offers herself up to him. Surprised but game, Senex instructs Philia to wait in the house for him, and she does. Hysterium arrives to this confusion, and tells Senex that Philia is the new maid that he has hired. Pseudolus returns, having procured the necessary mare’s sweat; seeing that Senex has returned unexpectedly and grasping the need to keep him out of the way, Pseudolus discreetly sprinkles some of the horse-sweat onto him, then suggests that the road trip has left Senex in dire need of a bath. Taking the bait, Senex instructs Hysterium to draw him a bath in the long-abandoned house of Erronius. But while this is happening, Erronius returns home, finally having given up the search for his long-lost children. Hysterium, desperate to keep him out of the house where his master is bathing, tells the old man that his house has become haunted—a story seemingly confirmed by the sound of Senex singing in his bath. Erronius immediately determines to have a soothsayer come and banish the spirit from his house, and Pseudolus obligingly poses as one, telling Erronius that in order to banish the spirit, he must travel seven times around the seven hills of Rome (thus keeping the old man occupied and out of the way for quite a while).

When Miles Gloriosus arrives to claim his courtesan-bride, Pseudolus hides Philia on the roof of Senex’s house; told that she has “escaped,” Lycus is terrified to face the Captain’s wrath. Pseudolus offers to impersonate Lycus and talk his way out of the mess but, his ingenuity flagging, he ends up merely telling the Captain that Philia has disappeared, and that he, “Lycus,” will set out in search of her. Displeased and suspicious, Miles insists that his soldiers accompany Pseudolus, but the wily slave is able to lose them in Rome’s winding streets.

Complicating matters further, Domina returns from her trip early, suspicious that her husband Senex is “up to something low.” She disguises herself in virginal white robes and a veil (much like Philia’s) in order to try and catch Senex being unfaithful. Pseudolus convinces Hysterium to help him by dressing in drag and pretending to be Philia, “dead” from the plague. Unfortunately, it turns out that Miles Gloriosus has just returned from Crete, where there is of course no actual plague. With the ruse thus revealed, the main characters run for their lives, resulting in a madcap chase across the stage with both Miles and Senex pursuing all three “Philia”s (Domina, Hysterium, and the actual Philia — all wearing identical white robes and veils). Meanwhile, the courtesans from the house of Marcus Lycus – who had been recruited as mourners at “Philia”‘s ersatz funeral – have escaped, and Lycus sends his eunuchs out to bring them all back, adding to the general pandemonium.

Finally, the Captain’s troops are able to round everyone up. His plot thoroughly unraveled, Pseudolus appears to be in deep trouble—but Erronius, midway through his fourth circuit of the Roman hills, shows up fortuitously to discover that Miles Gloriosus and Philia are wearing matching rings which mark them as his long-lost children. Her betrothal to the Captain obviously nullified by the unexpected revelation that he’s actually her brother, Philia weds Hero; Pseudolus gets his freedom, Gloriosus receives twin courtesans to replace Philia, Erronius gets his children, and a general happy ending prevails.

Synopsis from Wikipedia

Characters

Pseudolus: A Roman slave, owned by Hero, who seeks to win his/her freedom by helping his/her young master win the heart of Philia. While originally written as a male role, it has been performed by female cast as well.

Hero: Young son of Senex who falls in love with the virgin, Philia.

Philia: (Greek for “love”) A virgin in the house of Marcus Lycus, and Hero’s love interest.

Senex: (Latin for “old man”) A henpecked, sardonic Roman senator living in a less fashionable suburb of Rome.

Marcus Lycus: A purveyor of courtesans, who operates from the house to the left of Senex. (Name based on Lycus, the pimp in Plautus’s Poenulus.)

Domina: (Latin for “mistress”) The wife of Senex. A manipulative, shrewish woman who is loathed by even her husband.

Erronius: (Latin for “wandering”) Senex’s elderly neighbor in the house to the right. He has spent the past twenty years searching for his two children, kidnapped in infancy by pirates.

Gymnasia: (Greek for “Nude”, though could be a play on words for “Gymnasium”) A courtesan from the house of Lycus with whom Pseudolus falls in love.

Miles Gloriosus: (Latin for “boastful soldier,” the archetype of the braggart soldier in Roman comedies) A captain in the Roman army to whom Marcus Lycus has promised Philia.

Hysterium: (Latin for “Hysterical”, or “Anxious”, the suffix “-um” makes the name neuter, and the character’s gender is often mistaken throughout the piece) The chief slave in the house of Senex.

Tintinabula: (Latin for “Bells”) A jingling, bell-wearing courtesan in the house of Lycus.

Vibrata: (Latin for “Vibrant”) A wild, vibrant courtesan in the house of Lycus.

Geminae: (Latin for “Twins”) Twin courtesans in the house of Lycus.

Panacea: (Greek for “Cure All”) A courtesan in the house of Lycus.

Proteans: Choristers who play multiple roles (slaves, citizens, soldiers, and eunuchs). They accompany Pseudolus in “Comedy Tonight”. On Broadway, three people played all of these roles.

Songs

“Comedy Tonight” — Pseudolus and Company

“Love, I Hear” — Hero

“Free” — Pseudolus and Hero

“The House of Marcus Lycus” — Lycus and Pseudolus

“Lovely” — Philia and Hero

“Pretty Little Picture” — Pseudolus, Hero, and Philia

“Everybody Ought to Have a Maid” — Senex with Pseudolus, Lycus, and Hysterium

“I’m Calm” — Hysterium

“Impossible” — Senex and Hero

“Bring Me My Bride” — Miles Gloriosus and Company

“That Dirty Old Man” — Domina

“That’ll Show Him” — Philia

“Lovely” (reprise) — Pseudolus and Hysterium

“Funeral Sequence” — Pseudolus, Miles Gloriosus and Company

“Finale” — Company

Note: The song “Love Is in the Air” was originally intended as the opening number. The song was cut from the show and replaced with “Comedy Tonight”.[12] The song was later featured in the film The Birdcage (1996) and performed by Robin Williams and Christine Baranski.